No Joke!
If you’re in a group that is telling jokes, then it’s OK to tell a joke–obviously. But if you’re in a serious or even light conversation with someone else or even a small group of people, a joke interjected, even if its content is pertinent to the subject, more often than not leads to a social cul-de-sac. Sometimes it’s ruinous. If the joke is told badly, or if it’s just a bad joke, it’s discomfiting. If it’s a good joke told well, it’s almost as harmful, because it interrupts the flow of conversation, like stopping and doing a tap dance on your own in the middle of waltzing with someone else. It’s no accident that comedians stand onstage and tell jokes to–or at–the audience. That is not a conversation.
Wit and humor are different from jokes. They are generally responses and reactions to what has been said by others. Jokes are a performance, almost always, and that’s why they can damage a good talk, because a good talk is by definition not a performance–it’s an exchange and has a shape of its own, which can be dented by jokes.
There are exceptions of course–some people can bring off a joke in conversation on some occasions without harm–but err on the side of caution when you’re tempted, because it’s difficult to restore the sense of bonhomie and real communication if it doesn’t work.
Thoughtful and insightful, Daniel. How well one can interject humor–whether wit or humor–speaks volumes of one’s ability to recognize social cues and one’s internal emotional drivers.