Into the Unknown
Dan,
As I just wrote on your Facebook page, I just finished your book and enjoyed it tremendously. Some great insights.
As a professional soldier (of 34 years…I’m thinking of making it a career), one of the reasons I read your book was I’m hoping to enliven the conversation of those military events I find myself attending. It seems the conversation is centered on our profession, and the things we do, with very little deviance. I’m sure the same is true with authors (who mostly talk about books), and Apple executives (who mostly talk about computers and how much money they’re making), but I’d be interested in something you didn’t address in the book: How do you expand the art of conversation outside of the comfort zone? In other words, do you have any suggestions to get away from the boring and the known, and get into the unknown, with my friends? I’m guessing you might say: Expand your circle of acquaintances!
Anyway, great read. Thanks for your work.
Mark
Dear Mark Hertling,
Thank you for by far the most gratifying and most interesting response I’ve gotten to this odd little book. Thank you for the compliments. And allow me, please, to thank you for your years of service to the United States. It’s hard to find words for the gratitude and respect we owe you and the men and women who serve with you. (And it does sound as though, after thirty-four years, you just might possibly make a career of it.)
Yes, writers talk, incessantly, about writing, and I’m sure you’re right–Apple execs talk obsessively about Macs and iPods, with a few minutes/hour devoted to disdaining Microsoft, perhaps. We Americans are pretty much possessed by what we do; sometimes I think we aren’t a nation of people but a nation of occupations.
How to get colleagues and friends in our circle of work to talk about other matters, outside the realm of their daily routines and duties? It’s difficult. But if anyone among those you know possesses some thoughtfulness potential, you may be able to generate a deeper–and more interesting–discussion by questioning ideas generally taken for granted. For example, responsibility must be a central concern in military (as in most other) circles. If people fail to live up to their responsibilities, they are criticized. But another way to look at such failures is to wonder about the idea of blame. If they didn’t do what they were supposed to do, is it possible that they couldn’t do what they were supposed to do?
A friend recently railed at me that 9/11 was preventable. This got me thinking, and then saying, If it happened–as it so tragically did–in some basic way it couldn’t have been prevented. This in turn led to an exchange about past historical and personal shortcomings–because they are unchangeable–and a measure of serenity about them and an agreement to try to learn from them in the future. The conversation went deeper, in other words. This is what Socrates did, again and again–question “received wisdom”–though he was usually grinding an intellectual or moral axe and ended up anything but serene. Dead, in fact.
I hope that this suggestion–of backing up to examine conversational assumptions–is of some help. Good luck, write back if the spirit moves, and thank you again for the kind words.
Best,
Dan Menaker
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